11 Disempowering Phrases to Remove From Your Vocabulary Right Now

Your words not only describe, but also create your reality. Your words are powerful beyond belief. Your subconscious mind is listening to everything you say and creating the reality you repeat.

When in the process of growth and behavior change, it’s important to start noticing the words and phrases you use on an ongoing basis. These words and phrases are like a window into your subconscious mind. They reveal limiting beliefs you have about yourself. By consciously identifying limiting language and replacing it with more empowering alternatives, you’re charting a new course for yourself. A course full of possibility.

These are the phrases I keep my ears perked up for as a therapist to immediately call out in my clients. When I point these out, I work with my client help them find substitutes that are in more alignment with where they are going, rather than where they’ve been. Here are some phrases to delete (or reduce!) from your vocabulary to change your life:

1 | "I Am [Followed By Anything Negative]..."

If you don’t like something about yourself, then it’s not actually you. It’s a learned belief, feeling or behavior that you took on at some point in your past — even if it was so long ago that you have no conscious memory of it. Because you took it on so long ago, you don’t remember a version of yourself without this tendency. But you learned it, so the good news is you can unlearn it.

Replace with “I have tended to…” or “I learned to…” or “I’m recovering from…”

2 | "I'm Not ____ Enough..."

This phrase is your red glad for comparison or for trying to meet someone else’s standard of beauty, success, wealth or whatever metric you’re measuring yourself by. Not ____ enough compared to who? Not ____ enough for who’s liking? When you repeat this phrase, you’re reinforcing an unhelpful belief. Actually, you are enough right now.

Replace with “I am ____ enough…” or “I’m increasing my ability to…”

3 | "I'm Too..."

Repeating this phrase usually indicates that you’re denying a part of yourself. Maybe as a kid you were loud and energetic and the adults in your life were tired and told you to quiet down or sit still. You may have internalized that you were “too much” and learned to dull your spark so as not to be an annoyance. As an adult, you can either continue to judge these rejected parts of yourself, or you can learn to accept every part of you exactly as you are.

Replace with “I embrace my…”

4 | "I Will Never..."

This phrase limits what you can experience/create/achieve in this life. It has no place in your vocabulary. When you are truly in alignment with your passions and dreams and not following a prescribed path, you open yourself up to miracles and experiences you never could have predicted. Open yourself up to the magic of the unexpected.

Replace with “I am open to…” or “I may one day…”

5 | "I Should..."

There’s no better way to convince yourself out of doing something than to tell yourself you “should” do it. This incites the inner rebel like no other! This phrase has a pesky way of taking whatever you think or say after it and shoving it to the bottom of the to-do list. Humans are much more motivated by pleasure than by obligation. Go with your desires and see what happens.

Replace with “I want to…” or “I am starting to…”

6 | "I Can't [Followed By Something You Want to Do]..."

Says who? Chances are, as a youngster you were told either explicitly or implicitly what you were and weren’t capable of. What happens is, when you hold a belief, you don’t want to be wrong, so you unconsciously behave in ways that confirm your belief. Thus, keeping the cycle going. But, guess what? You can break the cycle at any time!

Replace with “I can…” or “I will…”

7 | "I Have to/Need to..."

People make choices based on their beliefs about which of their perceived options will either save them the most suffering or offer them the most joy. So, find peace in the decisions you make. Additionally, most of the things that folks need to do in life are actually privileges. Chores mean you have a home; work tasks mean you have a job; care-taking responsibilities mean you have loved ones. Practice gratitude for those things you hafta do.

Replace with “I choose to…” or “I get to…”

8 | "I Wish..."

I’m all for dreaming! But the phrase “I wish” has the implication that you’re pining for something you can’t attain. Actually, you can have/do/be/create that thing, it just requires tenacity, patience and courage, which you are absolutely capable of practicing.

Replace with “I’m looking forward to...” or “I can’t wait to…”

9 | "I'll Try To "

Yoda got it right what he said “Do or do not, there is no try.” When you use the word “try,” you’re giving yourself a “get out of jail free” card for if you don’t actually practice the new behavior or actually achieve the goal, because technically you never actually committed to it. You only committed to trying. Remove this phrase from your vocabulary – and don’t just try to. :P

Replace with “I’m committed to [enter behavior or goal here]…”

10 | "Yeah, But..."

Therapists and coaches hate the “yeah, buts.” When you say this, you know that what the therapist/coach is recommending is a helpful suggestion, but you’re finding an excuse not to implement it. This is a way to stay small and not have to make any uncomfortable changes. I’ll give you an example. Therapist says “I recommend you start meditating to reduce your stress.” Client says “Yeah, but I don’t have any time.” The truth is, you do have time, you’re just not willing to reprioritize it.

Replace with “Yes, let’s find a way around these challenges…”

11 | "I Don't Know..."

I hear this one all the time from clients. You wouldn’t believe how often a client will say the most insightful thing about themselves, and end the sentence with “I don’t know…” and move right along. I step in and say “yes, you do know” and point out the awesomeness that they just spoke to me. I work with 90% women, and sadly where this likely stems from is that girls are socialized to not trust themselves as much as boys are. Choose self-trust over self-doubt.

Exception: Of course, there are times when the correct answer to something is “I don’t know.” I’m not suggesting you lie and pretend you know everything! What I’m talking about here is becoming more aware of when you’re using this phrase as an unconscious verbal crutch to diminish what you just said.

Replace with “…and…” or just omit entirely.

Final Thoughts

Observe your thoughts and statements about yourself over the next few days. Notice how often these phrases show up. See what it feels like in your body to swap them out. Keep in mind this is not a one-time thing, this is an ongoing practice of bringing awareness to your word choice. It helps to have supportive others who can lovingly call you out when you use disempowering language. Consider engaging in this exercise with a friend, partner, therapist or coach who can help hold a mirror to you.

Now I'd Love to Hear From You

Which of these phrases do you find yourself saying most often?
Which of these phrases do you want to reduce or cut out?
Which of these alternative phrases do you want to add in?
Are there any other disempowering phrases I forgot to list?

Thank you for reading and for your input in the comments. As always, take what works and leave what doesn’t. Be well.

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Disclaimer

This post is meant for educational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for diagnosis, assessment or treatment of mental conditions. If you need professional help, seek it out.

About the author

Hi! I'm Natalie. And my passion is helping ambitious, creative millennials achieve everything they want in life, career and relationships. I provide in-person therapy in Pasadena and online therapy throughout California. Click here to get started.